Hobo Jungle

[Tramp]

Number 6, but closing fast.

Is this the best, or what?

Got everything running. 3751 purring like that shaved pussy over the hole. There's a line at the new outhouse. Why do you think all the girls have pens in their hands? Confusing, eh? They keep muttering some about Big Fon, or Don, or Dong, or somebody.

The hinges are something. Those crane girls, too.

[2railjon]

We only have one shot at life, so lets shovel on the coal!!!! CHEERS!!! Hey, that brass Niagara in the backround made the picture!!

[Forum Moderator]

Jon: Got to love your "love shack." The crane kit is a beauty too, but somehow your kissing girls add a special flavor to it.
Thanks,
Bill

[MartyE]

Jon Thanks bud you mase my day!

[spankybird]

Jon, you have to build one of these next.

[2railjon]

LMAO, Tom!! That's a beauty!!!!!

[San Diegan]

Motorcycling hazards...

http://www.mikenchell.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=2836

From some of my teardrop friends.

San

[Jackie Blue]

Too funny San! But I believe it. My eldest brother, John, normally a tall, strapping, cuss-of-a-man was deathly ill a few years ago, so sick to the point where he weighed practically nothing and could barely stand. He has this half-acre of a backyard paradise in Georgia that took him many prior years of hard, back-breaking work to sculpt into his vision, which is quite beautiful. One day during his illness, I sat him out on the patio and in the sunshine, hoping that it would help him heal, then I went inside to make us some tea. Shortly, I heard him screaming my name. Worried that he took a spill, I came running. He was surrounded by squirrels - a freaking semicircle of at least six. They scrambled when I got to him. John babbled something about "they're out to get him," and "help me into the house - quick!" Once I got him back to his bed, he laid down and said that he saw one coming near him, so he picked up a pecan and threw it at him. He swore the squirrel picked it up and threw it back at him. Then, he said, the squirrel must have called for his friends, because they all started throwing pecans at him and he didn't have the strength to defend himself. I laughed at him then, but to this day, neither one of us trust squirrels within a few feet of us.

[San Diegan]

Jackie,

Poor guy was probably feeling near bottomed out as it was, when that had to happen. I think I would would be leery of them too. Having nature turn on you when it's unexpected is freaky. I hope he has had time to heal from the original problem.

San

[Jackie Blue]

Oh yes! John has his health again, although age has made him even sillier. Sometimes it is hard to tell when he's being for real or just pulling my leg.

[San Diegan]

This one came hurtling down the tracks shortly after the flying squrrel story...

THAT is not the story to read after 3 glasses of wine on an empty
stomach. Tears running down my face and the whole house asking
WTH! While I LMAO ROTF. Nice piece of writing. I dont know which
is funnier that or this.

My wife Toni is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be
something akin to, " Hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I
have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story
chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future. Here goes.

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled
my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I
bought something really cool for Toni. The occasion was our 22nd
anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet
girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer
gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this
product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs
designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low
amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed
to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the
prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it
will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering,
pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action,
then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no
stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular
model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I
do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however,
and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so
looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of
electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for
your information, but I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot
is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc.
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and
thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood
target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a
second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all.
But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to
me at the time...


So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this
little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in
circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy
triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!" Friggin'
way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what
followed. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head
cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a
one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that
bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you
agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell
of it.

(Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always
twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the
fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
**************! DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura
ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then
body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall
waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body
in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making meowing
sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking
to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one
note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
zap yourself. You're not going to be able to let go of that thing until it is
dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in
your thigh like yours truly.

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as
time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there???
My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face
felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88
lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm
offering a reward. They're round, (used to be) rather large, kinda hairy, and
handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get
'em back

Greg

He didn't die and qualify for a Darwin Award, but it's close, real close.

San

[Frank53]

LOL HiRailJon, there's just nothing like a couple of chicks hot for each other on an old crane.

wait, I'm confused . . .

[2railjon]

What the Hell!! Is everyone out getting their side rod and big driver polished but me?

[Daisy]

Jonnny, you got any Cheez wiz for me laying around?

[San Diegan]

If you say pretty please, Jon, those damsels will butter them.

San