Hobo Jungle

[Del Mar]

Hope Gomer doesn't go down with Heidi.

The financial crisis explained in alconomic terms:

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Wisconsin. In order to increase sales,
she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed
alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks
consumed on a ledger, thereby effectively granting her customers loans.

Word gets around and as a result, increasing numbers of customers pour
into Heidi's bar..

Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment
constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the
most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank
recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases
Heidi's credit limit.

He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the
alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these
customer assets into ‘Drinkbonds’, ‘Alkbonds’ and ‘Pukebonds’. These
securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really
understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are
guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continue to climb, the
securities become top-selling items.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the bank
( subsequently, of course, fired due to his negativity ) decides
that eventually the time has come to call in the debts incurred by
the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

However they cannot pay off their debts.

Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and files for bankruptcy.

Drinkbond and Alkbond drop in value by 95%. ; Pukebond holds up
a little better, bottoming out at 80% of its former value.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment deadlines
and having invested in the securities, are faced with a new
situation. Her wine supplier files for bankruptcy, and her beer supplier is
taken over by a competitor.

The bank is bailed out by the Government after dramatic round-the-clock
consultations with leaders of the principal political parties.

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by levying a tax on
non-drinkers.

[dougdagrump]

An Obituary printed in the London Times.......

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights; I Want It Now;
Someone Else Is To Blame; &
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

[rogruth]

Del Mar and Dougdagrump,

Too true.

[Del Mar]

Meanwhile, with the economy, auto trouble, and wet bottomed redheads, is anyone corning their own beef for St. Patrick's day? I do this once a year and it is better than anything at the store with those miserable little spice packs.

* 4 1/2 lbs (flat cut) beef brisket
* 1/4 cup salt
* 16 cups water
* 3 cups sea salt
* 1/2 cup sugar
* 4 bay leaves
* 16 peppercorns
* 4 teaspoons pickling spices
* 4 garlic cloves, halved

1. Trim all but ¼ inch of fat from meat.
2. Wash and pat dry.
3. Rub with ¼ cup salt.
4. In large saucepan, heat water, salt and sugar and stir to dissolve.
5. Place beef in large glass bowl and pour salted water over.
6. Add 2 bay leaves, 8 peppercorns, 2 tsps pickling spice and 2 garlic cloves.
7. Place weighted plate over so meat is completely immersed.
8. Refrigerate 48-60 hours.
9. Remove meat and rinse thoroughly.
10. Place in large saucepan and cover with boiling water.
11. Add remaining bay leaves, peppercorns, pickling spice and garlic.
12. Cover and simmer for 4 hours, or until meat is tender.
13. Serve hot with boiled potatoes and cabbage or cool the brisket and slice thinly to serve with rye bread and mustard.

[Tramp]

I'm in.

[hev52]

Well.........................it look's like ........................................















hev

[JIM2223]

Hev:

Train running around the wrong layout.

Jim

[dougdagrump]

LETTER FROM A BOSS.....

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President, and that our taxes, and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.



Since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lot and found six Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change; I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

[webenda]

If we had elected "No Change McCain,"
it would have been the same.

Remember when McCain stopped the campaign
to rush back to Washington and vote to give
the banks some bail-out money? What did
the banks do with that money? How much
of our tax increase will be to pay for that one?

It does not seem to matter who gets elected,
whomever it is they will do stupid things.

[2railjon]

No left handed racing today, just March Maddness. How we long for the boys of summer to return to the field! Is it to early to yell: Go Yankee's?

[JIM2223]

Yes its march Madness time. My son that is in Conn. will be rout en for UCONN but not me. I have to stay with Pitt. And then there is a one chance in hell that Robert Morris Univ. could...I said COULD not will beat Mich St, My oldest son and I in the late 80's went to Robert Morris College in Moon Twp and watched them for about 2 or 3 years cause they were close and inexpensive to go and we really enjoyed the games. We were even on the cover of their program in the crowd watching the Northeast Conf. title game and one of the players shooting a foul shot and it was taken from across the court but you could see me and my son yelling our heads off. They put the picture on the cover of the program the next year, and even put a blow up of the picture in their trophy case...It would be nice to see them advance but # 5 against # 15....but I can hope. HUH? The Univ. is growing they never used to have a football team but they do now and a football field too. I saw during the Northeast title game that they won by 2 points that they have an enrollment of 5000 now.

Jim Go Colonels

[Tranz4mr]

No left handed racing today, just March Maddness. How we long for the boys of summer to return to the field! Is it to early to yell: Go Yankee's?

Hell I'll start a fight - Hey what the heck I'm home sick with the plague/fever or somethin. "Go Yanks!"

[Tramp]

Hobos. A happy Saint Pat's to the lot of ya. I'm on my 3rd fresh Labatt 50, green label.

[GP]

A man owned a small farm in Pennsylvania. The Pennsylvania Wage &
Hours Board claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an
agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the
Agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3
years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board.. The cook has been
here for 18 months, and I pay her $300 per week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day of the week
and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about
$10 a week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon
every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to.... the half-wit," says the Agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

GP

[JIM2223]

LMAO! Good one GP

Jim