Friday Funnies

[Rufus T. Firefly]

My goodness. the title of the thread has "funnies" in it, yet: here we go again.

I had a similar thought - it's Friday, but not very funny.......

[robert.]

Watch this car fly through the air
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wCTndl9si4

[John Webster]

I was going to post a time travel joke but you guys didn't like it.

[rex desilets]

I was going to post a time travel joke but you guys didn't like it.

now that's funny right there!!

[rogruth]

I was going to post a time travel joke but you guys didn't like it.

We might someday.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

I was going to post a time travel joke but you guys didn't like it.

We might someday.

Call me back yesterday and I'll let you know.

[HONDO74]

[HONDO74]

It is FRIDAY So....

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.
“What’s up, John?” asked the farmer. “Gosh Bob, I’ll tell you what … if I don’t sell a tractor soon, I’m gonna have to close my shop.”
“Now John, things could be worse,” said Bob.
“How do you figure?” asked John.
“Well, John – you know my ‘ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face.
So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter.
Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away!
So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!
But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall.
Well wouldn’t you just know it…my damn pants fell down.”
“And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I’ll buy a tractor from you.”
__________________

[Roy]

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old asss?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

[NJPiney]

While watching TV in bed, a middle aged Chinese-American couple agree their love life has gotten stale. The wife turns to the husband and says "How bout we try number 69?" He then asks in a startled manner "What you want beef and broccoli now for?"

[HONDO74]

Getting a jump on Friday.......

Little Ole went down to the pond to go fishing. He got there just as a pretty young lady was getting out of the water after a "natural" swim. She saw Little Ole, shrieked, and grabbed an old washtub that was sitting among some trees. She held it up in front of her to protect her modesty and waited for Little Ole to leave.
He just stood there and stared at her.
After a couple of minutes the young lady asked him "Little boy, do you know what I'm thinking right now?"
Little Ole replied "Ya, I know exactly vut you're tinking. You're tinking dat tub has a bottom in it."

[Roy]

Jane Curtin: ...And so, with a name like Fluckers, it’s got to be good.

Chevy Chase: Hey, hold on a second, I have a jam here called Nose Hair. Now, with a name like Nose Hair, you can imagine how good it must be. Mmm!!

Dan Aykroyd: Hold it a minute folks, are you familiar with a jam called Death Camp? That’s Death Camp! Just look for the barbed wire on the label. With a name like Death Camp, it must be so good, it’s incredible! Just amazingly good jam!

John Belushi: Wait a minute... Dog Vomit, Monkey Pus. We offer you a choice of two of the most repulsive brand names of jams you’ve ever heard of. With names like these, this stuff has got to be terrific. We’re talking fabulous jam, here!

Chevy Chase: Save your breath, fella! Here’s a new jam we’ve just put out. It’s called Painful Rectal Itch. You’d have to go a long way to find a worse name for a jam. And good? Mmm, wah! With a name like Painful Rectal Itch, you gotta bet that it’s great...

Dan Aykroyd: Mangled Baby Ducks. That’s right, Mangled Baby Ducks! Picture a jam so good, that you’d dare to call it Mangled Baby Ducks! Great jam! It’s beautiful jam!

John Belushi: Wait a minute, wait a minute, this is it - 10,000 Nuns and Orphans.

Jane Curtin: 10,000 Nuns and Orphans? What’s so bad about that?

John Belushi: They were all eaten by rats! Oh, it’s so good! Mmm!

Garrett Morris: Hold it, hold it everyone, your attention please, I have here a jam called...oh, God...[mumbles] Ick! Yecch!

Dan Aykroyd: It’s so good, it’s sickening!

Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s gotta be great jam!

Jane Curtin: So, if it’s great jam you’re after, try this one. The brand so disgusting, you can’t say it on television. Ask for it, by name!

[MurphOnMillerAve]

The one by Dan A. about a jam called "Death Camp" is beyond bad taste and vulgar. I object to its presence here.
Murph

[Roy]

How about: with a name like Migrant Children's Detention Facility, it's got to be good!

[HONDO74]

How about: with a name like Migrant Children's Detention Facility, it's got to be good!

You mean the migrant children that were dragged over a thousand miles by their negligent parents our were sent all by themselves through very dangerous conditions that are being taken care of better than their home country ever did for them.

The democrats say there is no crisis at the border so it can't be a problem.

And maybe Roy could take that gas guzzling car he owns down to the border and bring a family home with him to provide for.
Your governor just signed a multi billion bill to proved health care and education for all the illegal migrants. You could get in on that Roy

Roy, do you just sit at home all day being brain washed by liberal propaganda.