Walking
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will
make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a
soft surface like grass ."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.
"The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering.... would it be all right, if she carries a golf bag?
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? This level of sensitivity can't be taught.
Never question a Drunk!
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Rufus T. Firefly
- Posts: 42212
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 7:52 am
- Location: To be Determined
Re: Never question a Drunk!
I sent that "Ancestry" site some information on my family tree.
They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over..........
They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over..........
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
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Rufus T. Firefly
- Posts: 42212
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 7:52 am
- Location: To be Determined
Re: Never question a Drunk!
A husband and wife were driving home from a trip to Canada when the car in front of them ran over a mother skink and one of the two baby skunks.
The wife insisted that they stop and take care of the remaining baby skunk.
The husband responded negatively wanting to know what they could possibly do with it.
The wife told him that they could take it to the vet when they got home.
The husband responded, "When we get to the boarder, they will never let us take it across with us."
The wife responded, "I'll hide it under my dress."
The husband replied, "What about the smell?"
The wife replied, "Not a problem; I'll hold its nose."
The wife insisted that they stop and take care of the remaining baby skunk.
The husband responded negatively wanting to know what they could possibly do with it.
The wife told him that they could take it to the vet when they got home.
The husband responded, "When we get to the boarder, they will never let us take it across with us."
The wife responded, "I'll hide it under my dress."
The husband replied, "What about the smell?"
The wife replied, "Not a problem; I'll hold its nose."
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Aaarrrrg, aaarrrrg and aaarrrrg. 
roger
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
Re: Never question a Drunk!
A GOLF STORY
Many years ago, while playing a round of golf.....I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay, what's your name?"
"It's John, and I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
"John, she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now " Elizabeth insisted.
She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ...
I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."
After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth . "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."
"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still under the cart, I guess???"
Many years ago, while playing a round of golf.....I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay, what's your name?"
"It's John, and I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
"John, she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now " Elizabeth insisted.
She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ...
I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."
After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth . "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."
"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still under the cart, I guess???"
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J. S. Bach
- Posts: 5820
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 9:30 pm
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Sorry, stuck key.-
Rufus T. Firefly
- Posts: 42212
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 7:52 am
- Location: To be Determined
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
The Ultimate Golf Fail Compilation
It's almost embarrassing to watch this video. Sure were a lot of people visiting the ER after some of these stunts.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
up148 wrote:The Ultimate Golf Fail Compilation
It's almost embarrassing to watch this video. Sure were a lot of people visiting the ER after some of these stunts.
My question would be: How much of it was staged? Awfully coincidental that someone was standing around with a video camera. For some of the stuff with golf carts for sure. Other things???
Still pretty funny.
Last edited by E7 on Thu May 05, 2016 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Yeah, the guy who caught the golf cart in the mouth after he and his buddies turned it back over is mostly likely minus a few teeth....at the least.
There is no limit on stupid.
Butch
There is no limit on stupid.
Butch
Re: Never question a Drunk!
> Medicare Part G.........this is Brilliant !!
>
>
>
> Medicare Part G* Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself
> and need Long-Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home
> care available for you.So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G. The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician.
> This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you
> will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and
> air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need.
> Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a hearing aid,
> new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered! As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as
> they do now! And, who will be paying for all of this?
> The same government that just told you they cant afford for you to go into
> a nursing home.
> And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it.
> And now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income
> taxes! Is this a great country or what? Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest
> of your week!
>
>
>
> Medicare Part G* Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself
> and need Long-Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home
> care available for you.So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G. The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician.
> This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you
> will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and
> air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need.
> Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a hearing aid,
> new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered! As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as
> they do now! And, who will be paying for all of this?
> The same government that just told you they cant afford for you to go into
> a nursing home.
> And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it.
> And now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income
> taxes! Is this a great country or what? Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest
> of your week!
I spend entirely too many hours a day tying my shoes
Re: Never question a Drunk!
This may be a rerun, but if so, it is good enough for a second view!
The Coyote Problem
The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said ...
"Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't f*ckin' our sheep ... they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never really got back to order.
The Coyote Problem
The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.
What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.
Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said ...
"Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't f*ckin' our sheep ... they're eatin' 'em!"
The meeting never really got back to order.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
E7,
IMO that is a goodie. I think I first heard it when it concerned settlers and native Americans [Cowboys and Indians].
IMO that is a goodie. I think I first heard it when it concerned settlers and native Americans [Cowboys and Indians].
roger
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
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