Never question a Drunk!
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Geeeeeeez youse guys are mean.
roger
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
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ANG retired
- Posts: 1977
- Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 10:41 am
- Location: Garage of Doom
Re: Never question a Drunk!
gregj410 wrote:How do you circumisize a West Virginian?
Kick his sister in the chin.
ROFLMAO!!!!!!
Bob
Rufus T. Firefly wrote:Simplify.....be where everyone else is not.
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J. S. Bach
- Posts: 5820
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 9:30 pm
Re: Never question a Drunk!
ANG retired wrote:Suspicious wife takes care of business
...snip...
I am glad that I had just swallowed my gulp of soda before the punch line!
Note: I sent that to another forum and will be curious as th their reaction.
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ANG retired
- Posts: 1977
- Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 10:41 am
- Location: Garage of Doom
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Glad to be of service!!!
Bob
Rufus T. Firefly wrote:Simplify.....be where everyone else is not.
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jw_clarke54
- Posts: 517
- Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:58 pm
Re: Never question a Drunk!
the true meaning to the last story is put yuor two legs somewhere else so you dont get the *#$&@#& beat out of you- or how I got revenge on my other half 
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Tyrone:
A Southern Baptist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants
to be prayed for, please come forward to the front, by the altar."
With that, Tyrone got in line.
When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other
hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He
prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in
with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Tyrone, how is your hearing now?"
Tyrone answered, "I don't know Man, my hearing ain't til next week."
Rich
A Southern Baptist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants
to be prayed for, please come forward to the front, by the altar."
With that, Tyrone got in line.
When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other
hand on top of Tyrone's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He
prayed a "blue streak" for Tyrone, and the whole congregation joined in
with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Tyrone, how is your hearing now?"
Tyrone answered, "I don't know Man, my hearing ain't til next week."
Rich
Re: Never question a Drunk!
BROCCOLI CASSEROLE
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the POOF! Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" A big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled "Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought YES!
A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing!
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, Skippy! Get away from her before she shits on you!
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the POOF! Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" A big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled "Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought YES!
A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing!
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, Skippy! Get away from her before she shits on you!
If you agree with the Progressives, it's freedom of speech. If you disagree, it's hate speech. There are no alternatives.
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Rufus T. Firefly
- Posts: 41982
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 7:52 am
- Location: To be Determined
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
And last, but not least:
12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
To test this theory:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
And last, but not least:
12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
To test this theory:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.
As the literacy rate declines, you’ll ask yourself why the quality of life continues to deteriorate in ways large and small, and in almost every instance the answer will be: because people stopped reading.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Rufus,
Have you tried this?
Have you tried this?
roger
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
Re: Never question a Drunk!
The Shortest College Paper!
A class of college students were assigned the task of writing a SHORT story.
It was to be in as few words as possible.
It was to contain three elements: Religion, Sexuality, and Mystery.
The following submission is the ONLY paper that received an A+.
"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it?"
Rich
A class of college students were assigned the task of writing a SHORT story.
It was to be in as few words as possible.
It was to contain three elements: Religion, Sexuality, and Mystery.
The following submission is the ONLY paper that received an A+.
"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it?"
Rich
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Rufus T. Firefly
- Posts: 41982
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 7:52 am
- Location: To be Determined
Re: Never question a Drunk!
rogruth wrote:Rufus,
Have you tried this?
I've not had a dog since I moved out of my parent's house better than 30 years ago. I did contemplate getting a monitor lizard...................once,
As the literacy rate declines, you’ll ask yourself why the quality of life continues to deteriorate in ways large and small, and in almost every instance the answer will be: because people stopped reading.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Rufus T. Firefly wrote:rogruth wrote: I did contemplate getting a monitor lizard...................once,
Komodo Dragon?????!!!!!!
Rich
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Rufus T. Firefly
- Posts: 41982
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 7:52 am
- Location: To be Determined
Re: Never question a Drunk!
E7 wrote:Rufus T. Firefly wrote:rogruth wrote: I did contemplate getting a monitor lizard...................once,
Komodo Dragon?????!!!!!!
Rich
No, not quite but a close relative - water monitor, actually, and there was a breeding pair available. Probably would have been breaking a good number of laws having them, but they would have served as guard lizards!
As the literacy rate declines, you’ll ask yourself why the quality of life continues to deteriorate in ways large and small, and in almost every instance the answer will be: because people stopped reading.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Shave and a Haircut!
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the old Italian barber he can't get a good shave. He says he can't
Get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a small wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and
Tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. The
Barber proceeds to give the old man a shave.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the
Cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what
Would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, "Jus bringa id back tomorr like evarebuddy elsea does."
Rich
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the old Italian barber he can't get a good shave. He says he can't
Get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a small wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and
Tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. The
Barber proceeds to give the old man a shave.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the
Cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what
Would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, "Jus bringa id back tomorr like evarebuddy elsea does."
Rich
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Dating in 1957...
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called the Twist!"
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called the Twist!"
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