Customer Service

[J. S. Bach]

This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time.


Think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer are department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!)


"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too f****** stupid to own a computer.

[chuck]

A PhD student (in computer science no less) called us in along the same lines. The system wasn't responding. The system in question was on the other side of the room and was obviously shut down. When we started investigating we found that a main breaker for the room had tripped and only the lights from the hallway were providing any illumination. The yutz that called us was sitting at a desk under the breaker panel with the door partially swung open from the recoil from the breaker trip.

Another case we were called in when a lab director rearranged the furniture in his office. The computer would not turn on. He had left all of the power cords still plugged into the outlets on the other side of the room. His secretary was beside herself trying not to laugh because she had already suggested something of that sort before he called us in.

We had numerous calls about laptops not working. The ac adaptor was plugged into the computer but not into the wall or vice versa. You really need to have it connected on both ends to work.

One of my college room mates was dating a women who ran her car out of gas. She saw the red light on the fuel gage come on warning her of "low fuel". The car did not shut down immediately so she kept driving until it did. She complained that "the system" wasn't working properly. Since she was an integral part of the system I guess she was correct.

Another rocket scientist had lived about a half mile off campus on a main road. She lived there for two years. She would leave the lodging and turn right to make the half mile walk in for classes. Her fourth year she had to move and wound up on the other side of that same street. She still tried to turn right on leaving the residence and walked almost a mile before realizing she was going the wrong way (she actually hit a main cross street and that's what tipped her off).

[J. S. Bach]