Never question a Drunk!

[HONDO74]

The cop said she blew a tranny….”

I didn't know that was illegal

[Rufus T. Firefly]

The cop said she blew a tranny….”

I didn't know that was illegal

Maybe in public it is? Another learning moment brought to you on MTJ,

[HONDO74]

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said joey, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

[HONDO74]

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

[healey36]

[Rufus T. Firefly]

7 year old daughter: You got a letter!

Father: No, I got a bill. I owe money.

7 year old daughter: Not if you throw it away.

Father: She's my new financial planner!

[HONDO74]

JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN........


I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a Voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10 lbs. as promised.

I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most Stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is Wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck That reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next Four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised. So I decide to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our Most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," I replied, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find A huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running Shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine."

I lost 63 pounds that week .
__________________

[Rufus T. Firefly]

An moldy-oldy but a goody,

[Rufus T. Firefly]

3 year old: You get lots of letters from your friends...

Father: They're bills. They want money.

3 year old: You need better friends...

[HONDO74]

3 year old: You get lots of letters from your friends...

Father: They're bills. They want money.

3 year old: You need better friends...

This must be the 7 year old when she was younger .

[Rufus T. Firefly]

3 year old: You get lots of letters from your friends...

Father: They're bills. They want money.

3 year old: You need better friends...

This must be the 7 year old when she was younger .

If so, she was smart then...

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Father: What do you learn about in school today?

5 year old: I learned about dragons....

Father: Your class learned about dragons?

5 year old: I learned about dragons....I don't know what everyone else was doing.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

5 year old: Do I have to fall in love someday?

Father: No.

5 year old: Good! I have things to do.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

6 year old: ----fast forwards through the movie-----

Father: You can't just fast forward to the happy ending!

6 year old: I don't have time for their problems.