Never question a Drunk!
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Ah Murph. Don't be such a Tool. Your acting disgustipated. Take 10 minutes and listen. This is the voice inside Mr. Firefly's head
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmJYZ1NIn1Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmJYZ1NIn1Y
I spend entirely too many hours a day tying my shoes
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Re: Never question a Drunk!
Maybe he's Crankypated?
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.
- MurphOnMillerAve
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Re: Never question a Drunk!
"Crankypated". Good word . I liked that.
"Disgustipated" was a pretty good one, too.
Fun.
"Disgustipated" was a pretty good one, too.
Fun.
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Re: Never question a Drunk!
Better than cons..........................................!
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Popeye Disgustapated 1930.
I spend entirely too many hours a day tying my shoes
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Diary Of Wisconsin & Arizona
Dear Diary:
August 2: Moved to our new home in Wisconsin. It is so beautiful here. The forests are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them all covered with snow. God's Country. I love it here!
October 14: Wisconsin is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning and beginning to color. I love the bright shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through a beautiful forest and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. They are certainly the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise!
November 11: Deer Season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I really love it here!
December 2: It finally snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks just like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Wisconsin.
December 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland, but pretty cold!
December 19: More snow last night. Couldn't even get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling this stuff. Darn that old snow-plow!
December 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters from shoveling this crap. I think the snow plow man hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the damn driveway, then he plows the fking street, the Ahole!
December 25: "White Christmas" my busted ***! More fking snow. If I ever get my hands on the SOB who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the stupid ******. Why don't they use more salt on the roads to melt all this ice.
December 28: Guess what? More white sht fell last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for shoveling out the driveway every time the "Snow Plow from Hell" comes by. Can't go anywhere, the car's buried in a mountain of frozen white sht. The weatherman says to expect another 10" tonight. Do you know how many shovels- full of white sht 10" is?
January 1: Happy Fking New Year! The weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of the white sht this time. At this rate, it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snow plow got stuck up the road and the Ahole driver had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I'd already broken 6 shovels digging out from under all the white sht he pushes back into my driveway and broke my last shovel over his damned head.
January 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food. On the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit the fker. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those worthless deer sht-dropping road hazards should be exterminated. Wish the fking hunters had killed them all last November.
May 3: Took the new car to the garage in town. Would you believe the body is rusting out from all that fking salt they dumped on the roads all winter. My car looks like a piece of sht!
July 1: Moved to Arizona! I can't imagine why anyone on their right mind would ever move to that God Forsaken State of Wisconsin.
July 2: Saw a wonderful sunset this evening. I now understand "Purple Mountains Majesty". Why do people live anywhere but here?
July 3: A lightning storm came last night. The sky was all lit. It was truly awesome! This morning the sky is "transparent". I can see into Mexico. Arizona is a phenomenal state!
July 4: Now this is a state that knows how to live. Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and desert blended together, what a place. Watched the fireworks at the park laying out on a blanket. It was glorious! I've finally found my home.
July 5: Really heating up, got to 100 today, not a problem, live in an air conditioned home and drive an air conditioned car. Life's full of tradeoffs. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
July 7: Had the back yard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.
July 10: The temperature has not been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat. At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking a little longer than I expected.
July 15: Fell asleep at poolside, got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days work. What a dumb thing to do. I've learned my lesson! I really respect the old Sun in a climate like this.
July 20: I missed Tabby our cat sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen to the size of a shopping bag and exploded over $2000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and sht. No more pets in this heat.
July 25: Dry Fking Heat my ***. Hot is hot! I'd be cooler living in my oven. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman wants $200 just to drive by and tell me he needs to order parts.
July 30: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1100 fking dollar house payment and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
August 4: 117 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and can only cool the house down to 90. Stupid *** repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this fking state.
August 8: If another shthead cracks, "Hot enough for ya today", I'm going to tear his fking throat out. Arizona is hot! By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are dripping wet with sweat and I smell like roasted Garfield.
August 10: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to Srew for 2 stinking months. And the weatherman says it might really warm up this weekend. Doesn't it ever rain in the barren damn desert!
August 19: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 128 degrees today. Forgot to crack a window and blew the fking windshield out of the Lincoln. The Mexican installer came to fix it, and said, "Hot enough for ya today." My wife had to spend the stinking $1100 house payment to bail me out of jail.
August 30: Hottest day of the God damn summer. I'm not even leaving the house. Water rationing has been in effect all summer so the $1700 worth of my "low maintenance" cactus in the yard just dried up and blew into the fking pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat! I can't cool off in the pool now! The pool is full of fking needles and every time I attempt to clean the cactus needles out of the pool filter I shred my fking hands.
That does it, we're moving back to Wisconsin in time for deer season!!!
Dear Diary:
August 2: Moved to our new home in Wisconsin. It is so beautiful here. The forests are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them all covered with snow. God's Country. I love it here!
October 14: Wisconsin is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning and beginning to color. I love the bright shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through a beautiful forest and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. They are certainly the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise!
November 11: Deer Season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I really love it here!
December 2: It finally snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks just like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Wisconsin.
December 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snow-plow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland, but pretty cold!
December 19: More snow last night. Couldn't even get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling this stuff. Darn that old snow-plow!
December 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters from shoveling this crap. I think the snow plow man hides around the curve and waits until I'm done shoveling the damn driveway, then he plows the fking street, the Ahole!
December 25: "White Christmas" my busted ***! More fking snow. If I ever get my hands on the SOB who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the stupid ******. Why don't they use more salt on the roads to melt all this ice.
December 28: Guess what? More white sht fell last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for shoveling out the driveway every time the "Snow Plow from Hell" comes by. Can't go anywhere, the car's buried in a mountain of frozen white sht. The weatherman says to expect another 10" tonight. Do you know how many shovels- full of white sht 10" is?
January 1: Happy Fking New Year! The weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of the white sht this time. At this rate, it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snow plow got stuck up the road and the Ahole driver had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I'd already broken 6 shovels digging out from under all the white sht he pushes back into my driveway and broke my last shovel over his damned head.
January 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food. On the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit the fker. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those worthless deer sht-dropping road hazards should be exterminated. Wish the fking hunters had killed them all last November.
May 3: Took the new car to the garage in town. Would you believe the body is rusting out from all that fking salt they dumped on the roads all winter. My car looks like a piece of sht!
July 1: Moved to Arizona! I can't imagine why anyone on their right mind would ever move to that God Forsaken State of Wisconsin.
July 2: Saw a wonderful sunset this evening. I now understand "Purple Mountains Majesty". Why do people live anywhere but here?
July 3: A lightning storm came last night. The sky was all lit. It was truly awesome! This morning the sky is "transparent". I can see into Mexico. Arizona is a phenomenal state!
July 4: Now this is a state that knows how to live. Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and desert blended together, what a place. Watched the fireworks at the park laying out on a blanket. It was glorious! I've finally found my home.
July 5: Really heating up, got to 100 today, not a problem, live in an air conditioned home and drive an air conditioned car. Life's full of tradeoffs. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
July 7: Had the back yard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.
July 10: The temperature has not been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat. At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking a little longer than I expected.
July 15: Fell asleep at poolside, got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days work. What a dumb thing to do. I've learned my lesson! I really respect the old Sun in a climate like this.
July 20: I missed Tabby our cat sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen to the size of a shopping bag and exploded over $2000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like kibbles and sht. No more pets in this heat.
July 25: Dry Fking Heat my ***. Hot is hot! I'd be cooler living in my oven. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman wants $200 just to drive by and tell me he needs to order parts.
July 30: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1100 fking dollar house payment and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
August 4: 117 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and can only cool the house down to 90. Stupid *** repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this fking state.
August 8: If another shthead cracks, "Hot enough for ya today", I'm going to tear his fking throat out. Arizona is hot! By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are dripping wet with sweat and I smell like roasted Garfield.
August 10: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to Srew for 2 stinking months. And the weatherman says it might really warm up this weekend. Doesn't it ever rain in the barren damn desert!
August 19: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 128 degrees today. Forgot to crack a window and blew the fking windshield out of the Lincoln. The Mexican installer came to fix it, and said, "Hot enough for ya today." My wife had to spend the stinking $1100 house payment to bail me out of jail.
August 30: Hottest day of the God damn summer. I'm not even leaving the house. Water rationing has been in effect all summer so the $1700 worth of my "low maintenance" cactus in the yard just dried up and blew into the fking pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat! I can't cool off in the pool now! The pool is full of fking needles and every time I attempt to clean the cactus needles out of the pool filter I shred my fking hands.
That does it, we're moving back to Wisconsin in time for deer season!!!
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Re: Never question a Drunk!
Four men, catching up at a reunion were talking about how successful their sons were. One excused himself to the restroom as the other three continued the conversation.
The first one says,“My son is so successful, he owns his own car dealership and just last week, he gave his friend a Ferrari.”
The second replied,“Well, my son is doing so well, he owns an airline business and he recently delivered a private jet to his best friend.”
Now the third guy was so happy not to be outdone by the others, he beamed, “Oh, that’s nothin’. My boy has become owner of an architectural firm and just finished construction on a castle which he gave to his friend as a birthday gift.”
It was about then that the missing fourth returned. He asked,“What are we talking about, fellas?”
After a short recap of the conversation so far, he exclaimed,“My son works as a gay stripper.”…
“You must be so disappointed by his choices in life!”, came the response from the others.
“Oh no, not at all! For his birthday, he just received a Ferrari, a private jet, and a fine castle from his three boyfriends. I’d say, he’s doing quite well!”
The first one says,“My son is so successful, he owns his own car dealership and just last week, he gave his friend a Ferrari.”
The second replied,“Well, my son is doing so well, he owns an airline business and he recently delivered a private jet to his best friend.”
Now the third guy was so happy not to be outdone by the others, he beamed, “Oh, that’s nothin’. My boy has become owner of an architectural firm and just finished construction on a castle which he gave to his friend as a birthday gift.”
It was about then that the missing fourth returned. He asked,“What are we talking about, fellas?”
After a short recap of the conversation so far, he exclaimed,“My son works as a gay stripper.”…
“You must be so disappointed by his choices in life!”, came the response from the others.
“Oh no, not at all! For his birthday, he just received a Ferrari, a private jet, and a fine castle from his three boyfriends. I’d say, he’s doing quite well!”
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
ROTFLMAO !!!
roger
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
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Re: Never question a Drunk!
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.
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Re: Never question a Drunk!
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, "What'll you have?"
The rabbit replies, "I don't know. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
The bartender asks the rabbit, "What'll you have?"
The rabbit replies, "I don't know. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Life Is All About ***;
1.You're Either Covering It,
2. Laughing It Off,
3. Kicking It,
4. Kissing It, Busting It,
5.Trying To Get A Piece Of It,
6.Behaving Like One,
Or You Live With One
1.You're Either Covering It,
2. Laughing It Off,
3. Kicking It,
4. Kissing It, Busting It,
5.Trying To Get A Piece Of It,
6.Behaving Like One,
Or You Live With One
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Rufus and Hondo,
Great big LOLROTFLMAO.
++
Great big LOLROTFLMAO.
++
roger
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
I support thread drift.
If God didn't want women to be looked at, He would have made 'em ugly. RAH
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- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 6:52 am
- Location: Departed from this forum
Re: Never question a Drunk!
So I get home yesterday and I find the dog on the front porch covered in mud with a rabbit in in mouth. He's not bloody, just dirty
Now the neighbors raise rabbits for show and have won blue ribbons so they're serious about their rabbits. I knew right away that this was one of theirs.
So I take the rabbit away from the dog, take it around back, and wash it clean. And before the neighbors got home, I took it over and put it one of their empty cages, and went home.
About 30 minute later I hear screaming and commotion in the neighbors' backyard. So I go out expecting to offer my condolences, etc. over their rabbit.
After they settle down they tell me that their rabbit died 3 days ago and that they had buried it, and now it's back in it's cage.
I think they are going to move....
Now the neighbors raise rabbits for show and have won blue ribbons so they're serious about their rabbits. I knew right away that this was one of theirs.
So I take the rabbit away from the dog, take it around back, and wash it clean. And before the neighbors got home, I took it over and put it one of their empty cages, and went home.
About 30 minute later I hear screaming and commotion in the neighbors' backyard. So I go out expecting to offer my condolences, etc. over their rabbit.
After they settle down they tell me that their rabbit died 3 days ago and that they had buried it, and now it's back in it's cage.
I think they are going to move....
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.
- MurphOnMillerAve
- Posts: 18489
- Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:18 pm
- Location: Kennywood Park
- Contact:
Re: Never question a Drunk!
Wait. What?
During all that handling , esp. the washing, you did not realize you were handling a corpse?!
See what I mean (!) you are one unique fellow, loaded with unique experiences.
During all that handling , esp. the washing, you did not realize you were handling a corpse?!
See what I mean (!) you are one unique fellow, loaded with unique experiences.
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