Never question a Drunk!

Play nice and have fun...
Chris Webster
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Chris Webster » Fri Jan 27, 2023 12:12 pm

A priest, a rabbi and a drag queen walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and says, “you’re not welcome here, George Santos.”

HONDO74
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby HONDO74 » Fri Jan 27, 2023 12:37 pm

Chris Webster wrote:A priest, a rabbi and a drag queen walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and says, “you’re not welcome here, George Santos.”


So Santos Brought the Rabbi and the Priest in dressed as Drag Queens. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Image

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Sun Jan 29, 2023 12:09 pm

HONDO74 wrote:
Chris Webster wrote:A priest, a rabbi and a drag queen walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and says, “you’re not welcome here, George Santos.”


So Santos Brought the Rabbi and the Priest in dressed as Drag Queens.


And that's better?
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

HONDO74
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby HONDO74 » Sun Jan 29, 2023 1:09 pm

Rufus T. Firefly wrote:
And that's better?


Witch would be better.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert or The Rocky Horror Picture Show. :wink:

The Drew Carey Show - Time Warp & Groove Thing
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rocky ... cture_Show

You never know what a Drunk may post on MTJ..... :lol:

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Sun Jan 29, 2023 2:30 pm

HONDO74 wrote:Witch would be better.


Until she turns you into a newt!
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

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robert.
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby robert. » Sun Jan 29, 2023 5:15 pm

HONDO74 wrote:
Chris Webster wrote:A priest, a rabbi and a drag queen walk into a bar. The barkeeper looks up and says, “you’re not welcome here, George Santos.”


So Santos Brought the Rabbi and the Priest in dressed as Drag Queens. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Image

No Santos lied He said he was A Rabbi, Priest and a drag queen" Once anybody is in office. It is so hard to remove them.
I spend entirely too many hours a day tying my shoes

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Mon Jan 30, 2023 9:49 am

So there's this poor little Irish family - a father, a mother, a 26-year-old son, a 21-year-old son, and an 18-year-old son.

They live in a tiny little cottage down by the river. They have one cow, and their only source of income is the money they make off of selling the cow’s milk. It’s the only thing keeping this family alive.

So, one day, the father wakes up, and discovers that the cow is dead. Unable to deal with this, he kills himself in the barn.
So then the mother wakes up, and discovers that both the cow and her husband are dead. Unable to deal with this, she goes down to the river and drowns herself.

So then the 26-year-old son wakes up. He sees that his father and the cow are dead, and then he goes down to the river and sees that his mother is dead. So, you know, he’s not having a great day so far. But then he meets a lady leprechaun down by the river, and she decides to make him an offer. She tells him, “If you can make love to me 10 times in a row without stopping, I’ll use my leprechaun magic to bring back everyone who died, including the cow.”

So the 26-year-old considers it, and he thinks, “Yeah, I’m young, I can probably do this”. So he accepts her offer, and he tries, and he fails, and then the leprechaun kills him, too.

So then the 21-year-old son wakes up. Cow’s dead, father’s dead, mother’s dead, brother’s dead. So, not a great day so far. But he also meets the lady leprechaun, and she gives him an offer, too, saying, “If you can make love to me 20 times in a row without stopping, I’ll use my leprechaun magic to bring back everyone who died, including the cow, and I’ll transform the tiny cottage you live in into a mansion.”

And the 21-year-old considers it. Like his brother, he also thinks himself young and capable – so he accepts her offer, and he tries, and he fails. And the leprechaun kills him, too.

So then, finally, the 18-year-old son wakes up. Everyone in his family is dead. So, not a great morning so far. But he also meets the lady leprechaun, and she also gives him an offer – “If you can make love to me 40 times in a row without stopping, I’ll use my leprechaun magic to bring back everyone who died, including the cow, I’ll transform the tiny cottage you live in into a mansion, and I’ll grant you one more wish – and it can be anything you want.”

But the 18-year-old son stops and says, “Wait? 40 times in a row? That might not be a good idea. I mean, are you sure you’ll even survive that? The cow didn’t.”
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Thu Feb 02, 2023 11:18 am

Three guys were drinking at the bar.

“Anything newsworthy from your part of the world?” inquired the one to the left.

“Well, I found out yesterday that my Great-grandfather was on the Titanic,” replied the one in the middle.

“That’s amazing. Any details?” asked the one guy to the right.

The guy in the middle replied, “As far as they know, he’s still there.”
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

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healey36
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby healey36 » Thu Feb 02, 2023 4:20 pm

From Henny Youngman:

A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, "we saved your grandson." The little Jewish Grandma says, "He had a hat!"

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Thu Feb 16, 2023 9:04 am

A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest,
“Forgive me Father for I have sinned.”
“What have you done?” asked the priest.
“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a while with the librarian, a young attractive single girl, then one thing led to another, and I ended up sleeping with her.” The man stopped talking but kept weeping.
“Well, don’t cry, it’s a sin, but it is not that bad. You should say 5 Hail Marys and it will be forgiven,” said the priest.
“But it doesn’t end there,” the man kept sobbing. “A few days later my elderly neighbor asked me to help her with her computer. Her husband was hospitalized and she couldn’t send an email to her son. I went there and fixed the problem, but when I was about to leave, rain started pouring down. It was really stormy and I had to wait. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with the old lady,” the man cried.
“Oh dear, well that makes it harder indeed, but still - you should say 15 Hail Marys and you will be forgiven,” said the priest.
“Oh, I’m afraid the worst part is still ahead,” cried the man. “Yesterday I went to the barber. I was his last client that day. As soon as he finished and was about to close the shop rain started pouring down so intensely, I had to wait with him. One thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him as well,” the man cried.
“Oh dear, it is indeed worse than I thought,” said the priest.
“So what should I do, Father?” the man asked.
“Well,” answered the priest, “you should get the feck out of here before it starts raining!”
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Sat Mar 25, 2023 4:59 pm

1st guy at the bar, "Cows kill more people than sharks."

2nd guy at the bar, "I'm surprised that cows kill any sharks at all!"
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Mon Mar 27, 2023 10:54 am

1st guy at the bar, "Was that a T-Rex that was just talking to you?"

2nd guy at the bar, "Yeah......he just sold me a few handguns."

1st guy at the bar, "What? Why?!?"

2nd guy at the bar, "He's my small arms dealer."
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Thu Apr 13, 2023 9:28 am

Image
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

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MurphOnMillerAve
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby MurphOnMillerAve » Thu Apr 13, 2023 8:23 pm

Cute. Gave me a smile. :)

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Fri Apr 21, 2023 9:19 am

Image
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.


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