Never question a Drunk!

[HONDO74]

After taking his seat on a plane a guy sees a beautiful woman coming toward him and as luck would have it, she has the seat next to him. Eager to start a conversation he asks "Business or Pleasure trip?" She replies "Business, I'm giving a lecture to a convention of nymphomaniacs. I will be discussing from my own experiences some popular myths about men." He can't believe what he is hearing from this stunning woman so he says "What myths are we talking about?" She replies, "Well many people thing African-American men are the most endowed but my experience has been that Native-Americans have this distinction. Another myth is that French men are the best lovers but I have found that it is Jewish men who are best, and no one has the stamina of the so-called rednecks." She pauses and says to him "I'm sorry, we are talking and I have not asked your name."

"Tonto" he says.
"Tonto Finkelstein, but everyone calls me Bubba."

[MurphOnMillerAve]

Yeah, the kid likes clowns, but he just likes the normal ones, if such a thing can be found!!!!!!

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Yeah, the kid likes clowns, but he just likes the normal ones, if such a thing can be found!!!!!!

There are normal clowns????????

[HONDO74]

[MurphOnMillerAve]

Yeah, the kid likes clowns, but he just likes the normal ones, if such a thing can be found!!!!!!

There are normal clowns????????

Good point! That says it all, especially considering the source.

[HONDO74]

FACEBOOK FOR SENIORS...

For those of my generation who do not and cannot comprehend
why Facebook exists:

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying
the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street
and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment,
what I have done the night before, what I will do later, and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, my cats, and of me gardening,
taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in
front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing
what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and
tell them I like them....and it works just like Facebook.
I already have four people following me: Two police officers,
a private investigator, and a psychiatrist.

[MurphOnMillerAve]

That was marvelous, HONDO. Lots of fun to read.

[up148]

+1

BH

[HONDO74]

An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones.

The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis on the
Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired gruff Marine Corp Sargent Major of thirty years’ service, was a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck’s to meet a friend for coffee. While awaiting her friend’s arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."


The husband responded: "I'm takin' a s**t. Please advise."


Almost brings a tear to my eye.

[rogruth]

LMAO.LOL.

[HONDO74]

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38. (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"

[Rufus T. Firefly]

[MurphOnMillerAve]

I thought clowns were supposed to be funny.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

I thought clowns were supposed to be funny.

Clowns, truly evil clowns will stoop to a your mama joke when the moment presents itself.....

[MurphOnMillerAve]

I'm happy for you .