Never question a Drunk!

Play nice and have fun...
J. S. Bach
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby J. S. Bach » Wed Jan 31, 2018 9:42 pm

Rufus T. Firefly wrote:My plan.
Step 1: Buy 15 identical cats
Step 2: Invite someone over
Step 3: Wait for them ask how many cats I have
Step 4: Reply, "Just 1, but he's really very, very fast.

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :roll: :mrgreen:

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MurphOnMillerAve
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby MurphOnMillerAve » Thu Feb 01, 2018 9:02 pm

Why can you not trust atoms?

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Fri Feb 02, 2018 12:53 pm

MurphOnMillerAve wrote:Why can you not trust atoms?


They make up everything.........
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

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Roy
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Roy » Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:56 pm

MurphOnMillerAve wrote:Why can you not trust atoms?

You can't know where they are, and how fast they're going, at the same time.
Torturers, White Racists, Gay Bashers, Rich Psychopaths.

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:09 pm

Roy wrote:
MurphOnMillerAve wrote:Why can you not trust atoms?

You can't know where they are, and how fast they're going, at the same time.


I thought that the uncertainty principle applied to particles less than atoms.
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

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riogrande491
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby riogrande491 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 3:40 pm

Well, that depends!

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Bob
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HONDO74
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby HONDO74 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:27 pm

On a farm a chicken and a horse became good friends and always hung out together. One day the horse fell into a sink hole and started to go under. The chicken seeing this ran to get the farmer but he was out on the tractor. The chicken grabbed a rope, jumped on the farmer's Harley and drove it out to the sink hole where with a pull from the powerful Harley pulled the horse from the sink hole and saved him.

A week later the chicken fell into a large mud pile and began to sink. He called to the horse who thought for a moment, then straddled the mud pile and said "Grab my hangy-down" which the chicken did and the horse pulled him to safety.

Moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse you don't need a Harley to get chicks. :mrgreen:

HONDO74
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby HONDO74 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:28 pm

I talked to a homeless man recently and asked him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt and even full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I was paroled."

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MurphOnMillerAve
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby MurphOnMillerAve » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:57 pm

Two good ones, Hondo. :D

J. S. Bach
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby J. S. Bach » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:13 pm

HONDO74 wrote:I talked to a homeless man recently and asked him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt and even full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I was paroled."

Unfortunately, its very true; and at taxpayers' expense!

Rufus T. Firefly
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Rufus T. Firefly » Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:24 am

J. S. Bach wrote:
HONDO74 wrote:I talked to a homeless man recently and asked him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt and even full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I was paroled."

Unfortunately, its very true; and at taxpayers' expense!


Hmmm.......go spend a few years in prison and confirm that for me, would you?
Conservatism: The intense fear that somewhere, somehow, someone you think is inferior is being treated as your equal.

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Mitch
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby Mitch » Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:35 pm

And some inmates in prisons that allowed the inmates internet service used it to commit identity theft. Robbed people blind. So much for rehabilitation! :twisted:
If you agree with the Progressives, it's freedom of speech. If you disagree, it's hate speech. There are no alternatives.

HONDO74
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby HONDO74 » Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:03 pm

This example shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return.

The IRS has returned the Tax Return to a man in New York City implying that he answered one of the questions incorrectly..

In response to the question, "Do you have anyone dependent on you?", the man wrote: "7.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack-heads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, at least 450 idiots in Congress and a group that call themselves Politicians."

The IRS stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

The man's response back to the IRS was "Who did I leave out?"

up148
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby up148 » Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:32 pm

HONDO74 wrote:This example shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return.

The IRS has returned the Tax Return to a man in New York City implying that he answered one of the questions incorrectly..

In response to the question, "Do you have anyone dependent on you?", the man wrote: "7.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack-heads, 4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, at least 450 idiots in Congress and a group that call themselves Politicians."

The IRS stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

The man's response back to the IRS was "Who did I leave out?"



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

BH

HONDO74
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Re: Never question a Drunk!

Postby HONDO74 » Fri Feb 23, 2018 2:31 pm

Donald Trump and his Secret Service detail are walking across the White House lawn when a rookie agent sees a man raise a gun towards the president. MICKEY MOUSE! shouts the young agent. This distracts the gunman long enough to be tackled and arrested. Later the supervisor says to the rookie agent "What made you yell Mickey Mouse?" Blushing, the young agent replies, "I was nervous and meant to yell Donald, duck."


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