Never question a Drunk!

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Gosh Rufus you really excel at finding nasty avatars although Arthurs is still the most vomit worthy!

[The Dirt]

Mike, that was absolutely fascinating reading.
You have a true gift with words, buddy!

[E7]

Mike, that was absolutely fascinating reading.
You have a true gift with words, buddy!

Dirt,

I'll second that! Truly great stuff. If we don't be careful this thread will turn respectable.......oh the horror!!!!

Rich

[E7]

I remember those days, too, but I do not recall that many groceries for a dollar.......

Murph,

Read the punchline at the bottom.

Rich

[MurphOnMillerAve]

I remember those days, too, but I do not recall that many groceries for a dollar.......

Murph,
Read the punchline at the bottom.
Rich

Oooohhhhhh, I get it.
I better slow my roll.
Murph

[rogruth]

And I meant without those cameras.

[bikermike]

Mike, that was absolutely fascinating reading.
You have a true gift with words, buddy!

Dirt,

I'll second that! Truly great stuff. If we don't be careful this thread will turn respectable.......oh the horror!!!!

Rich

Thanks gentlemen! It was the stories of past prices (and the joke) that brought this to mind.

[J. S. Bach]

...snip...
If we don't be careful this thread will turn respectable.......oh the horror!!!!

Rich

Something in the Club car turning respectable???? (insert Bronx cheer here; it is hard to spell PPPBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT)

[Rufus T. Firefly]

My wife said, “Go to the store and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six”

I came home with 6 cartons of milk.

She said, “Why in the Hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

“They had eggs.”

[cpsteamer]

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

5 - Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

6 - What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

7 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

8 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.

9 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.

10 - Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

11 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

12 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

13 - Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who
don't own a gun.

[cpsteamer]

Seniors at the Coffee Shop

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.

"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded

Weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully - - "thank God we can all still drive."

[cpsteamer]

Ed came home late one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back and that is as a chicken.'

Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

'NEVER,' said Ed.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.

He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard, "Ed, WAKE UP! You just shit in the bed!"

Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

[rogruth]

AAAARRRRGH

[Rufus T. Firefly]

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?"

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the centre line back there. Can I see your registration please?"

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection!

The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no... not the Breathalyzer again!"

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Bubba, fresh from the cornfields of his family farm, was encouraged to try out for the local football team.

"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said Bubba, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow!" said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said Bubba. He was off like a shot, and in just over 9 seconds, he had run a 100 yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

Bubba rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds, then said, " Well, coach. if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."