Never question a Drunk!

[Rufus T. Firefly]

A C-141-A Starlifter had been delayed for take-off for over an hour at Thule Air Force Base, Greenland, because a sewage repository had not been pumped out.

Finally, a young airman wanders up to the aircraft with the appropriate equipment. The airman fiddles around for awhile, does his thing, and then gets ready to leave.

The aircraft commander, a young Captain confronts the airman. "You've caused me to be 2 hours late for my take-off I'll see that you are not only reprimanded, but punished as well!"

At that the young man smiles, "Sir, with all due respect, I have no stripes, I'm stations at Thule, Greenland, it's 20 degrees below zero, and I'm pumping shit out of your aircraft.

Just what kind of punishment did you have in mind?"

[MurphOnMillerAve]

I "kept my yapper shut," Rufus, because I knew you could not possibly have consciously selected the wrong word for use there. Fa' real.
Murph

[Rufus T. Firefly]

I "kept my yapper shut," Rufus, because I knew you could not possibly have consciously selected the wrong word for use there. Fa' real.
Murph

Thank you! And, I have to get off a few editorial boards, too!

[cpsteamer]

They sent my Census form back!!


In answer to the question, 'Do you have any dependents?',
I put ... '12 million illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable idiots, lazy union employees, the cast of The Jerry Springer Show, 140,000 people in our 133 penal establishments in California, much of the Congress & staff, most of the Senate and a Christian Muslim Irish African President!'

... Apparently this wasn't an acceptable answer.

[AG]

They sent my Census form back!!


In answer to the question, 'Do you have any dependents?',
I put ... '12 million illegal immigrants, crack heads, unemployable idiots, lazy union employees, the cast of The Jerry Springer Show, 140,000 people in our 133 penal establishments in California, much of the Congress & staff, most of the Senate and a Christian Muslim Irish African President!'

... Apparently this wasn't an acceptable answer.

LOL!

[ANG retired]

A C-141-A Starlifter had been delayed for take-off for over an hour at Thule Air Force Base, Greenland, because a sewage repository had not been pumped out.

Finally, a young airman wanders up to the aircraft with the appropriate equipment. The airman fiddles around for awhile, does his thing, and then gets ready to leave.

The aircraft commander, a young Captain confronts the airman. "You've caused me to be 2 hours late for my take-off I'll see that you are not only reprimanded, but punished as well!"

At that the young man smiles, "Sir, with all due respect, I have no stripes, I'm stations at Thule, Greenland, it's 20 degrees below zero, and I'm pumping shit out of your aircraft.

Just what kind of punishment did you have in mind?"

Just an aside, a true story. We know a retired Aeromed who was on that C-141

[E7]

Dead Cow Lecture

First-year students at the Vet School were attending their first anatomy class, with a real
dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white
sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to
have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything
involving the animal body". For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead
and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking
a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

Rich

[AG]

talking about cows
Where the Texas longhorn logo came from?
http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n286 ... 000011.jpg
AG.

[Mitch]

*

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Reminiscing............

I remember when I was a boy, my momma would send me down to the corner storre with a $1....

I'd come back home with
5 bags of potatoes,
2 loaves of bread,
3 bottles of milk,
a hunk of cheese,
a box of tea, and 6 eggs.


Nowadays you can't do that no more..........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...........too many freakin' security cameras!

[rogruth]

I remember those days.

[MurphOnMillerAve]

I remember those days, too, but I do not recall that many groceries for a dollar, but I don't think I paid attention to groceries too much (except for getting the biggest bag of "Wise Potato Chips" for a quarter.) You probably lived in a nicer neighborhood than I.

However, I do remember 25cents/gal. for gasoline, and for quarts of Fort Pitt Beer; $2 cartons of "Camels" or "Lucky Strikes," and a quarter got me the very largest vanilla cone at Dairy Queen. Oh, and sodas were a nickle - you had to pull them out of a reservoir of water held in a horizontal soda (in Pittsburgh we called it "pop") machine and up through a heavy metal "security gate" that released its treasure only if satisfied w/ that coin.

On hot summer days, we'd rush into the grocery stores or "drug stores" and shove our heads down into the cold, dairy display cases, take a deep breath to feel the chilll in or chests and throats, and feel refreshed, for about two minutes. Then, we'd go out in the sun (for a period of time that would, surely, kill me, nowadays) to wrestle, play ball, run, chop down trees (yes, honest, almost every day) and just make all 'round mayhem in the neighborhood. Anything that made noise was good.

(I'd better shut it , now; don't want to intrude too far off-course, here. )

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Oh, and sodas were a nickle - you had to pull them out of a reservoir of water held in a horizontal soda (in Pittsburgh we called it "pop") machine and up through a heavy metal "security gate" that released its treasure only if satisfied w/ that coin.

In a glass bottle, too!

I used to buy my Pepsi by the case in those tall glass bottles and keep them in a frige in my dorm room so cold that when you opened them ice would form inside the bottle.......

[rogruth]

I bought cigarettes for ten cents a pack for many years.
Quit when they got to three dollars a pack.
Figured that I could save ninety dollars a month that I could spend on train stuff.
Spending it on gasoline and food instead.

[bikermike]

Gosh Rufus you really excel at finding nasty avatars although Arthurs is still the most vomit worthy!

Meanwhile back at the 'how cheap it was' I can remember petrol costing 2/6d. a gallon in England, that's half a crown, eight of those to a quid. It used to be that I could get a whole weekend out of a quid, petrol money and beer. GOOD beer I can remember as being a shilling a pint. Watneys Red Barrel or Double Diamond my favourite. For the longest time in England the most reliable cost of living marker was the price of a Mars bar, they're different than yours though. They're more like a Milky Way (one of ours, they're different too) with a layer of caramel on top, dipped in chocolate. A good feed, a Mars Bar was.

A packet of winkles to go with your beer was a tanner - thats sixpence, or a dish of jellied eels might go for a shilling out in the sticks though it was half that in town, The Smoke, London which really was 'The Smoke' back then. People used to die in the smogs, I've been in a couple of them, the air turns dark greeny yellow and you cannot see more than a few feet.You tied a hanky over your mouth and nose and it would turn black inside ten minutes from all the coal particulates hanging in the air.

As soon as the train was two stops outside Liverpool Street station, the air would turn back to something like normal and two more stops (on the fast train) and you could smell the grass and flowers if you opened a window, sometimes they were jammed tight from the dirt and wouldnt slide down properly.

Men still used shirts with replaceable collars and cuffs because they got so grimy from Londons 'air' it was impossible to get them clean even after one day. This is going back a bit mind you, by the 60's things had changed a lot presumably for the better? London got several Clean Air Acts and it made a huge difference, all sorts of regulations about burning smokeless fuels and replacing coal gas with North Sea gas and gas men wandering all over England changing everybodys gas equipment over to burn the new stuff. It must have cost a fortune because they didnt charge for the conversion as it was being rammed down everybodys throat.

Suicides mourned the gas changeover. The old coal gas was a painless way to do yourself in peacefully. You had a drink or two to get sleepy, turned the gas on and put your head down for the last count. Mind you, there were some terrible explosions when the other half came home and turned on the lights. Not funny but true. Every winter a handful of old people took that way out because they couldnt afford to go on living and didnt want to get stuck in a home. They don't tell you about stuff like that when they go on about the good old days.

Our neighbour lived in a Victorian house still using the original gas lighting and boy was he PISSED about the new gas because they couldn't do the conversion to his lights. They were neat and bright too, I still remember the constant hissing they made. No matches required, you pulled on a little chain and 'pop!' the things lit up every time. Everything in his house was gas the way we use electricity. Even the refrigerator ran on gas! They even had wall receptacles and moveable gas appliances had rubber hoses with tapered metal plugs that you just pushed in till they clicked and turned the gas on. Table lamps, standard lamps, wall sconces, overhead lights all of it was gas and so of course was the stove and water heaters.

Over the bath, on the wall above the faucets, was a massive 'geyser' the size of a hot water tank, all polished brass and copper. At the bottom was a gas ring on a pivot. You lit that, turned on the main gas and swing it into the geyser which ignited with a huge 'bang!' every time, no matter how you did it! That thing put out massive amounts of boiling water instantly and the bath was so deep you could drown in it easily, I used to fill it up so I could float in it on my back. Best baths ever, deep, hot and soooo relaxing and as I was permanently covered in engine oil from working on my bike with the man and his sons who were my mates, I spent a lot of time in that place. Happy memories.

Once they did away with the coal gas plants my station train spotting days were almost over as there wasn't the things to watch anymore. It used to be all day long shunting coal wagons, tank engines clanking and whistling and the crash of buffers. They did away with the yards and installed a brand new modern station where they were and then the catenaries started going up, horrible, ugly bloody things and nasty EMU's replaced my school steam trains. A couple of times the steam engines returned in winter because they had all sorts of problems with snow and ice jamming the new electrical equipment but by 1968 they were gone for good.