Never question a Drunk!

[MurphOnMillerAve]

Well, obviously, li'l Billy was a cool kid (and an attentive li'l rascal.) That's the kind of pupil that could perk up a classroom.

[Mitch]

A man was having lunch with his 10 year old grandson on the 20th of February, and he asked his grandson if he knew what day the next day would be.
The grandson answered "It's President's Day".
He's a pretty smart kid, so grandpa asked him if he knew what President' Day was, expecting an answer about Washington, or Lincoln, etc.
The ten year old beamed and said, "Tomorrows the day President Obama comes out of the Whitehouse, and if he sees his shadow, then there's one more year of unemployment".
I said he was a smart kid.

[cpsteamer]

The TRUTH about Bin Laden's burial at sea


Bin Laden Given Religious Funeral Prior to Sea Burial

Published May 02, 2011

Osama bin Laden was given a religious funeral prior to his burial at sea, senior
military officials told Fox News.

Religious rites were conducted on the deck of the USS Carl Vinson aircraft
carrier at about 1:10 a.m. Monday in the Persian Gulf.

In accordance with Islamic practice, bin Laden was washed and wrapped in a
white sheet before buried at sea at 2 a.m. local time, senior U.S. military
and intelligence officials said.

Then, "In accordance with common US Navy SEAL practice, the Team pissed on him, stuck a pulled pork sandwich in his mouth and a kosher hot dog up his ***, and pushed the Mother F**ker overboard with the other garbage," a senior SEAL officer said.

(Oorah!! - Job well done!)

[cpsteamer]

And now one for Mitch:

Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonald's and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger. It's the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the clown."

[AG]

You own me a new keyboard!!!....

AG.

[cpsteamer]

Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional... The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls,
hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!”

[dougdagrump]

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a Bin Laden .
The bar tender says 'What's a Bin Laden ?
" The guy replies "Two shots and a splash of water."

[dougdagrump]

[Rufus T. Firefly]

"We take good care of your grandfather," the nurse at the retirement home told the worried relatives.

"Every evening we give him a glass of warm milk, and a Viagra, and he sleeps well all night."

"Warm milk and Viagra? Why?"

"The warm milk helps him to fall asleep, and the Viagra keeps him from rolling out of bed."

[rogruth]

OK Rufus,what the heck is that new avatar?

[Rufus T. Firefly]

I'm just keeping an eye on things again....

[MurphOnMillerAve]

..yea, and it just screams for help.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Just prying open my 3rd eye
Prying open my third eye.
Prying open my third eye.
Prying open my third eye.
Prying open my third eye.
,

[MurphOnMillerAve]

aaaaawwwwh lawdee, we in trouble now....

[Rufus T. Firefly]

How many philosophers does it take change a lightbulb?


Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.